Never mind, i just cant do it. Im sitting here bawling my head because I am sending my kids off to go do this without me and they'll probably be terrified. Its like saying, here you go be uncertain and scared and I get to stay home and I hate myself so much damn it. They are going with their Dad and have no clue about my fears so, now they will know that mom isnt going because shes scared but, is sending them. Oh god, I hate myself.