I apologize for not responding for a bit. This past Monday, my wife and I were actually in a pretty terrible car accident. We were rear ended by a large truck going 50 mph while sitting at a red light stopped. We are alive thankfully and although sore and beat up, will certainly make a full recovery eventually. If anything this event has shown me how much life is out of our control. That we can only surf the waves as they approach us. Reading your blog over the years I've learned much about my childhood and the lack of secure attachment to my mother. If anything she always created distress and everything was something worth worrying about. Fast forward to today and well.......its no surprise I feel the way do about flying.

Regarding turbulence I think the answer has several parts to it. I'm very aware during the flight that I'm there and this is what is happening at the moment. I think back to my childhood when I flew quite a bit. We made many overseas flights and vacations many times a year. To me, it seems that the flights were always pretty calm....again to the best of my recollection. I realize that turbulence is no trouble for the plane but for some reason what I find discomforting is constant turbulence. A few bumps here and there is fine, but when it's constant, it just seems unsettling to me. Flying in and out of Denver I'm used to turbulence, but flights where it's sustained is just uncomfortable.

Here's where I struggle too and perhaps why the strengthening exercise is failing me here. Empathy in general has been very difficult for me my entire life. My wife would tell you it's my biggest flaw haha. When I try to think of moments where someone is empathetically attuned with me, they seem very fleeting. Almost as if I can't hold onto the feeling long enough to feel the warmth and connection spread through me and be able to wrap around the worrisome issue. As more time passes, the moment I think of has less and less power and I have to think of a new one and as I age it seems harder to find moments where I genuinely feel someone is truly attuned to me. Is there something wrong with me? I don't know I've often asked this many times. Especially this past week where I'm in a tremendous amount of pain and I keep looking into my wife's eyes to feel her attunement with me but often for whatever reason I don't feel it. Only in the beginnings of a new relationship do I feel that overwhelming sense of warmth. Anyways, probably more complicated of a response than you were looking for.